HOW SELF-portraits taught me something new!
So over the years, here and there I have experimented with self-portraits. They aren’t my favourite thing to do in the world but when I had a free couple of hours in the studio, I thought it would be a good thing to do. I had recently seen a post by Marina Williams who suggested that self-portraits are an invaluable learning experience and worth doing. So, off I set after packing my bag like so many clients have before with jewellery, my favourite couple of outfits and some backdrops and set up my tripod. My Leica app that I can use to triggar my camera that refused to cooperate 🤦♀️ so I had to manually set the focus (not an easy endeavour) and as Annie Lebovitz reminds me:
“Why does everything have to be in focus all the time!?”
I have to admit I had own resistance to this. To being seen and to go through this exposing process, the experience wasn’t easy at all. (I’m not going to share the hideous in between shots!). But I am so glad I persevered and pushed through because it really did reveal quite a few things to me and it is so exciting to have new portraits of myself that I am happy to share!
Click the post below for some previous self-portraits that created some great conversation online. I love that people commented on the energy more than how I looked (more on that later).
But what did I learn from these new self-portraits? Keep reading…
Music transforms the atmosphere instantly!
It just creates a different space. I started off working in silence and I was getting bogged down in the logic of the technical aspects and what wasn’t working in the images. The minute music entered the equation, the change in my body was instantaneous. Some sort of energy transfer took place through the sound waves in the air! I went from looking stiff and dead like a halloween zombie into a free-moving strictly wannabe! Ideas came to my head and smiling and laughing erupted completely naturally. Nothing was working before that and I was about to give up. And if you’re wondering what I was listening to it was PARIS PALOMA, that feminine rage and folk rhythms gave me everything I needed.
So the real lesson here is to create both a safe environment but also a fun uplifting one that instantly transforms your energy and focus! Sounds that almost distract your mind from being overcritical - making you focus on feeling more than thought. P.S .I will never make anyone endure my music on a shoot - you can totally bring your own! 😂
Take up more space
And I’m not talking metaphorically, I mean literally. I seemed to want to slightly hug myself or hide parts of my body that I didn’t like. I kept trying to hide my stomach and putting myself into small positions without expanding into the whole area around me. It felt normal in my body but looked weird! So I had to really consciously stretch my limbs, work on my posture and shake my body to loosen it out a bit. Along with the music which brought me out of my shell a bit, I to actually like the images I was taking The version of myself that I conjured in my mind, was manifesting in real life. This is always a magic moment that I witness on a photos session when I show the sitter the first photo they love of themselves, it gives so much confidence to keep going!
Looking at yourself is hard
It just is. After taking portraits hundreds of people, I am confident to report that there is nothing wrong with you if you feel like this and there are millions of contributing factors that make it so hard to resist. One of the most helpful things I have ever watched is this TED Talk by Terri Hofford called Why you think you look bad in photos. It is a must watch and I recommend to all my clients.
We have been used to looking at ourselves in a mirror all our lives. Thousands and thousands of times we have looked at our reflection. But we are the only person who sees us in that way at that angle. In a photo we are seeing ourselves flipped horizontally and the way others see us, not a reflected image. This is a little similar to when you hear your own voice and it’s not what you hear in our heads. That feeling of strangeness and disconnect is because our brains can’t handle both of these versions of reality at the same time. Both of these versions of our faces is simultaneously true.
I would also recommend a book by Ruth Ozeki called Time Code of a Face (it’s a very short read) where the author spends three uninterrupted hours staring into a mirror to explore her "original face". The format is structured like a chronological timecode, she records her real-time observations, physical details, and shifting thoughts moment by moment. Those three solitary hours expand into deep meditations on aging, race, family history, death, the physical body, self-doubt, and ultimate acceptance. It’s something recommended to reduce stress and anxiety by practicing intentional, kind gazing helping self-acceptance rather than harsh criticism which can lower stress and calm the nervous system. Maybe I’ll try it sometime, I’ve been meaning to for a while…
What you wear makes a massive difference
I’m no stylist but have had my ‘colour analysis’ done recently and discovering that I am AUTUMN has been a complete revelation and so transformational to how I present myself with more intention and power. I’ve been really enjoying scouring Vinted for my perfect tones (which I intuitively adore!) and have much clearer direction and fun shopping, trying new things and not defaulting to black and white. But in the absence of this knowledge lean into these kind of questions:
What intuitvely suits you?
What makes you feel good?
What do people always comment on when you wear it?
What colours contrast and yet harmonise with the background you’re shooting with?
What makes your eyes stand out?
There is a lot of science to this but use your intuition and get curious to try new things. Ann Orton, Stylist from House of Colour has some great tips for those who have no idea where to start. She says that PRIMARY RED (or true red) is a colour that will suit everyone and so if you want to make people pay attention to you then incorporate it into your look. Whether ear-rings, shoes, red lipstick or a whole outfit! She also thinks that until you know your seasonal palette, NAVY is a better deep neutral than black because everyone can wear navy whereas only some people look really great in black. Considering make up and what’s surrounding your face in accessories and colour is sometimes more important than what you wear as that is where all the attention is going in a portrait.
“Try a pop of RED in your outfit to make people pay attention and NAVY is almost always a better deep neutral than black!”
Sit with the uncomfortable feelings
This is hard. That double chin. Those lines on your face. Those wonky teeth Those tummy rolls. Rather than avoiding thinking about it, sit with it. Breathe and remind yourself that you are enough as you are. That what you do is more important that what you look like. Your message is greater than your fear. This is hard inner work but it is possible to reframe these negative thoughts.
If I had a pound for every time a client started off a conversation or a shoot with the words “ I’m not very good in front of the camera” or “I’m not very photogenic” I would be a rich women! I always tell people that it’s normal to feel like this and completely natural to feel some nerves in front of the camera. But there is also a part of me so crushed every time I see a women feel like there is something wrong with them and blinded by their small insecurities that they can’t see the beautiful whole. And the reality is that we are taught by society to be like this. We are not born like this!
“You will have seen 6 million idealised women before you turn 18! ”
I was listening to the DOAC podcast a couple of years ago (it’s not my favourite!) and was astounded to hear the statistic that - you will have seen 6 million idealised women before you turn 18! Wow, I mean with social media you can see how this could be possible. We are always going to feel less than to someone else in a world of comparison. Our cultural obsession with looks is a social construct and not universal across the world. Thankfully we are starting to have frank conversations about all this and we are seeing different bodies - of all sizes and abilities represented on our screens or in powerful positions showing us that the tide is changing from Bridgerton to Demi Moore at the Golden globes, Ann Summers advertising and Pamela Anderson wearing no make-up. Let’s keeping having these conversations.
I read a great thing once in a magazine about being thankful for your body. The tummy that birthed children. The laughter lines from fun with friends. The frown lines from caring about others. It’s a subtle mind shift that is really helpful and holds a lot of power. My first feeling about the image below was - wow, that is not a great angle! But then, I got curious and was compassionate with myself. And I realised that I was so happy and so full of joy in this moment.
A shot snapped at a party made me put all this into practice and it worked!
CONCLUSION
I’m so grateful for the opportunity to be present with myself to take these images. It felt like a real gift to myself. Being the photographer and the sitter after a while had a very meditative state of being both simultaneously. The camera became me and I was smiling with myself. Screaming at myself. Being truly honest. I think this is reality of any portrait where there is a safe collaborative space to experiment and find presence.
We need to keep having conversations about how we feel about being seen so that it stops us from doing what we want to do in the world. I wish people could love being in front of the camera, seen for who they really are, quietly confidence in the power of their miraculous bodies and confident in their message they KNOW will be a force of good for society. But the sad truth is that society has made it very hard for us to access this power and this truth. Especially as women.
SOME FINAL THOUGHTS…
Portraits are an intriguing process including inner and outer work. I witness transformation every single time. Book your shoot to start the journey and be the resistance to the unrealistic expectations society has placed on us.
“Working with Donna never disappoints. I always feel like two creatives collaborating on something unique every time we shoot and I can look back on my galleries and relate images to a feeling, intention and phase of my work and business.
They aren’t just pretty images - they are an expression of so much more and her onboarding, client service and experience on the day aligns with that. Plus - my husband always says “those photos’s look like you” - which is the highest compliment when getting professional images!”
Over and out! I really should have done a time lapse because I was a crazy person running from the the camera to the position about 100 times! 😂 Thanks for reading and please drop any comments below or reach out to ask any questions at all!
