Don’t JUST tell your story… USE it!
What stories do we tell?
What stories are we telling ourselves?
Why do we tell stories?
Why are stories important?
Where would we be without stories?
What stories are we hiding from ourselves?
What stories need to be told?
Have you ever asked yourself these questions? These are my own, inner dwellings of my mind as I delve deeper into storytelling. We tell stories for various reasons - whether for artistic reasons, to create conversations, to give others a voice, for our businesses and our lives. They can be told in various ways and can be linear, point of view, quest orientated or even non-linear. And the overarching plot can be voyage/return, rags to riches, overcoming the beast, tragedy, rebirth or even comedy. What do your favourite books and films fall into? You might have a preference…
Storytelling has been occupying my mind for almost a year now and impacting my photography work in a whole new way. So I thought I’d gather some experts and friends to share their own insights. I was blown away by these responses below. Listen and connect with what a therapist, a poet, a mindful marketer and a brand strategist have to share about this fascinating topic. Seriously, settle in with a cuppa and your journal and let these truths wash over you…
What stories are we telling ourselves about ourselves?
“Stories are the threads that hold society together. They connect us to our own identities, to others. They connect us to the world around us and they also run through our businesses. Stories are how we relate to the world and we tell ourselves stories every minute of every day. They are the thoughts that run through our heads.
There are also societal narratives we are impacted by continuously, especially as women. The ageing narrative that life ends at 35 or 40, that’s an interesting societal narrative. As soon as you’re married or have kids you are no longer attractive or when you hit menopause or midlife you are over the hill. Of course you’re not! The narrative that we are tied to our reproductive organs - it’s ludicrous!
Something that Tommy Shelby in Peaky Blinders remarks on when in a dark period in his life.
There are also the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves. I’m no good at maths. The reality is I find it boring so didn’t pay attention so fell behind. It’s important to pick apart these stories that we use to create an identity that we fix ourselves to when actually we are changing and growing all the time. I think stories can serve a purpose at the time and they help us as teenagers and children to make sense of things, to grow and build ourselves. Actually as we get older they become redundant and we have the chance to pick them apart and dispose of them as we see fit or to change them.”
“Stories are the threads that hold society together. ”
CHALLENGE: Consider the stories you are telling yourself. Meditating or journalling is a really good way of tapping into these and becoming conscious of the spiralling thoughts we have. Often our inner critic is very negative and disempowering. Be an interrogator or detective of your thoughts. Are they really true? And if they are heavily negative - what would your best friend say about that? Once you start to catch the thoughts you can change them.
Read:
First we make the Beast Beautiful by Sarah Wilson - on anxiety and mindfulness in the modern world
Frazzled bay Ruby Wax - more on anxiety and mindfulness
You can find out more about Lucy and how she could help you to grow your businesses with intention here.
Myths aren’t lies but stories that are always true…
“For me, storytelling is the tool that has enabled the human race to evolve so successfully, for thousands of years humans have used stories to pass down the experiences, knowledge, guidance, do's, don'ts that enabled the next generation to thrive, these stories defined the cultural narratives that determine how we lived - which I fear is being forgotten. Today too many businesses have tapped into the power of storytelling as a tool soley for business growth and this is so irresponsible (not to mention incredibly self-serving). The world is changing and today the narratives which have governed us for so long are being dismantled (rightly so - think race, gender etc) but society is moving too quickly for new narratives to take hold, so in the search for meaning we look to leaders, public figures, brands, even small businesses and the stories they're telling, and how they're contributing to the wider cultural narrative. The responsibility on business owners to ensure their message is one that benefits us all - not just perpetuates their own individualism, is huge - and not recognised by enough.
“I like to think of stories, or myths, as research. Almanacs of collective knowledge and ancestral wisdom on humanity; a cumulative account of men and women’s spiritual and literal experience intended to provide guidance, meaning and significance to help us decipher who we are and what the hell we should be doing.”
As storytellers we know that good stories have plots, characters, villains, guides etc and that in every sense the 'hero' represents the best of humanity' and the villain the worst. I'm obsessed by the theory that the seven archetypal story plots, universally recognised across time, civilizations and throughout the world in someway mirror the human psyche. How else could they ignite such a visceral response, ignite the brain as they do and teach the lessons humans need to learn over and over again? Essentially myths are metaphors for the lessons that can’t be told, the ones that must be experienced. “
“Essentially myths are metaphors for the lessons that can’t be told, the ones that must be experienced. ”
Challenge: Read mythic texts that you are drawn to or watch a film. Consider Shakespeare or explore greek myths. Why are you drawn to them? What are they teaching you about yourself and the world around you? Listen and tap in. There is rich wisdom waiting…
Read/watch:
Women who run with the wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estés - seminal book about feminine power
If Women Rose Rooted by Sharon Blackie - Celtic myths and lands intertwined with modern day experiences
The Uses of Enchantment by Bruno Bettelheim - use of fairytales for children’s psychological development
The Tragedy of Macbeth directed by Ethan Coen - cinematic epic
Succession on Netflix - for archetypal family dynamics
The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho - modern myth which touches the soul deeply
Our stories can be painful - but what we can create with them can be beautiful
“I tell stories, both mine and other peoples, because I want us all to feel less alone in our emotions and experiences. Having lost my mum at 11, when my friends didn’t have the emotional maturity to support me, I suppose it was natural for me to seek out comfort and connection from elsewhere – and what I found was stories.
Over the years, without a huge amount of adult guidance in my life, I looked to magazines, films, TV and books for clues on how to alchemise my loss. Whilst we’re lucky enough to live in a time where we can now be open about mental health, it wasn’t like that growing up. Therapy was something to be ashamed of, and for some reason, people used to think the best thing they could do for you when you were grieving was to leave you well alone. (Although that sentence makes me sound like I’m in my 80s, for context, I’m 32!) This is why I work with founders in health, mental health and wellbeing. I help them communicate their business because their stories of support could be life changing.
Going into my teens I was like a sponge, embarrassingly desperate for any information on womanhood - SATC quite literally became a blueprint on to how to adult to me (thanks for the slutty years, Samantha!). And just like that, excitingly, mine and my friends experiences started unfolding at similar paces as we entered the worlds of boys, booze and drugs. I was finally able to connect and share with the people around me, and I found being understood on this level incredibly comforting. It was around this time an idea started flickering inside of me. It was the sharp, painful edges of my experiences starting to take shape into a question – a question that’s never quit nagging me; ‘should I be telling my own story, so anyone else who feels like me isn’t alone?’
“For me, storytelling is about holding, helping and healing each other.”
The amazing Michela Coel says “Sometimes pain is something to be grateful for”, which I wholeheartedly agree with. Because whilst our stories can be painful, what we can create with them can be beautiful – if we choose it. We can use our experiences as fuel to do good. For me, storytelling is about holding, helping and healing each other. It’s giving and receiving in equal measures. So whilst I’ve spent many years helping others tell their stories, I’m in a place in my life where I also want to start sharing mine.”
Challenge: What are the deep stories within us? What tales are we drawn to and how are they telling our most deepest stories?
Read/Watch:
Maid on Netflix - uses creative filmic devices to really help us feel the struggle of a single mother
Nomadland directed by Chloé Zhao
The Wild Track by Margaret Reynolds - adopting, mothering, belonging
Connect with Natasha on all things Wellbeing, Spirituality and Entrepreneurship on Instagram. Huge thanks to her for the title of this blog!
Stories as a catalyst for change
“I am struck by the power of story being a vessel to meet others, and give validation and permission in their own stories. At 35, as a 'younger' therapist (and there aren't that many of us - a recent study by the BACP showed that only 18% of registered therapists are under 45), I have experienced age discrimination. Most notably, at a conference where I was humiliated quite publicly when I asked the key note speaker (a very well known psychotherapist) a question about how the professions might consider the value of younger therapists in a progressive society - the profession is lagging behind a fast-moving culture!
“I implore others to turn their wounds into wisdom by using their voices. ”
I carried this humiliation deeply, and cried on the train home, considering what my place was in a profession that I loved so much. The next day, I received an email from the editor of our industry magazine, Therapy Today, who happened to be at the conference, saying she was interested in what I had to say, and would I consider sharing my experience by writing something on age discrimination for the next issue of the magazine?
To cut a longer story short, my article was published, and within a week I had 400 emails from other younger therapists sharing their own stories of discrimination - being asked to wear make up to look older, told they could only practice 5 years after qualifying because they needed 'life experience'. The article was not enough, so I gathered some colleagues and we founded the Network for Younger Counsellors and Psychotherapists (NYCP) which is a nearly 700-strong community of brilliant younger therapists.
What if I had not used my voice? What if I had internalised my humiliation to believe the narrative that I was not 'enough' to have a place at the table? I implore others to turn their wounds into wisdom by using their voices. Because our wounds are often the gateway to important parts of us. Typically we try to conceal wounds, and carry shame in scars. But breaking through the discomfort and risk of vulnerability opens ways to connect and heal - sometimes collectively.”
Challenge: What stories carry shame for you? Which wounds are so deep that you avoid it at all costs? What gentle ways can you let the light be cast on those shadows. Can you journal? Watch a film on that theme? Talk to someone close to you who can hold a safe space or even a therapist. The world may need your story of healing one day…
Read/Listen:
Care for the Soul by Thomas Moore - just a balm for the soul and incorporating rituals and metaphors into everyday life
On Being podcast on Apple iTunes - on what makes us human. Listen to Jane Goodall first!
The Body Keeps Score by Bessel van der Kolk, M.D.
Ali shares so much great stuff online and has a fab Sunday Night Reset. Keep in touch with her here.
Stories as a vehicle to enrich society
I started really thinking about and studying storytelling last year. My first love was theatre, am married to a filmmaker and studied dance so it’s been a huge theme throughout my life. But last year I started to discover a whole plethora of untold women’s stories and it changed me…
Whether it was the lost Celtic tales of strong powerful women in history in If Women Rose Rooted, or the journey of a young mother escaping domestic abuse in Maid, or the story of an older single women adopting a child in The Wild Track or a middle aged women who lives in a nomad traveling community when her life falls apart in Nomadland. Why don’t we talk about these narratives? Why are they taboo? What can they teach us? Why have women lost their voices and are they starting to find them again?
“Why have women lost their voices and are they starting to find them again?”
I know they teach me a lot about listening and a deeper compassion for others. The opportunity to understand the woes of another going through something I could never understand deepens my empathy and connection to the whole human story. And as Jane Goodall commented on the On Being podcast recently, “We as a species can communicate to tell each other things we don’t already know.” Simple but powerful. This is where change happens, through sitting down together and telling stories. Not being bullied or confronted.
Challenge: Examine your own unconscious biases, where listening is hard or where you are blinded to another’s journey due to your own lens of seeing the world.
Listen to:
On Being - my new favourite podcast
Let all that settle into your soul. And let me say a huge thank you to all these brave women who really inspire me with their stories that they have been able to share. There is strength in that vulnerablility. I’m going to make a huge assumption at least one of those raw, honest stories touched you and weaved together with your own. I know that my own life weaves into each one of these stories and I can see myself at various points of my life as the main character in their plots.
Start your own journey with this. Dig deep. Journal and chat with people. Read or watch some of the suggestions. As Natasha reminded me… don’t just tell your story - use it!
Take a little stroll around my website if you fancy knowing more about how I tell stories visually and get Exposure in the footer below so you never miss a blog. And please leave a comment below on what stood out to you and what you’re taking away to think about and consider…
Love Donna x
P.S. I’m really excited to connect and see what has resonated with you so post a comment below or send me an email here.